Critical Hits & Misses #132

• We didn't cover this story here at Critical Writ, but you might have remembered the outrage over the dog movie A Dog's Purpose after a video went viral that showed a distressed German Shepard being forced into water during filming. Turns out that the video--put out by PETA and the video's creators at precisely the moment of the film's premiere--was fake. Read more here. 


• We love intersectional feminism! And this hip-hop variant cover for Marvel's America #2 is badass! Just like the wonderful America Chavez, the queer woman of color that is taking America by storm! 

For today's musical hit, please be aware that there are disturbing Holocaust images in this video. But if you can stand it, it's worth watching and listening to. Here is Smash It Up with "Nation of Zeros"

Today's critical rolls: Speaking of pets, do you have any? Tell us about your awesome furry kids, and share pics if you want!

Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Deadpool The Duck #3 Review: Yes, That Is A Thing

I really like the cover for this issue. The contrast between the art for Deadpool and the paper is visually striking and it adds a nice feel. The plan in itself is also a great touch, essentially acting as a story in itself. The events are there, you can just fill in the blanks and insert your own quips if you so choose.

The third issue of Deadpool The Duck has more of Deadpool The Duck's plan to find Roxxon and save Rocket Raccoon from his space rabies. Unfortunately, the task isn't as easy as it sounds. Deadpool is as chaotic as ever, and, even in the body of a duck, he's still fairly destructive. Unfortunately, that also means that he's more likely to be distracted and Howard isn't in the mood to help him out. He's just in the Negative Zone, talking to his new friend. I know it's probably a reference to that Tom Hanks movie with the volleyball, but I prefer to think of it as a nod to Phineas And Ferb's Balloony.

They have the same creepy smile and they're both suspended by a rope. I guess that would make Howard Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Hey, it makes sense, considering the Marvel crossover in the show.

Deadpool The Duck #3 is a fun issue, filled with laughs, emotional drama, and a refreshing lack of vomit. Fun fact: Stuart Moore said on his Twitter account that the rather excessive amount actually had a narrative purpose. The, um, shapes of the waste formed clues that foreshadowed the story, such as a duck. I bet you wouldn't see Ultimates 2 doing that! The comic is written by Stuart Moore, drawn by Jacopo Camagni, colored by Israel Silva, and lettered by VC's Joe Sabino. You can find it at your local comic book shop.

Zachary Krishef is an evil genius. Do not question his knowledge of Saturday Night Live trivia or Harry Potter books.

Enter the Grid: Ms. Marvel #14 Review

The series continues its strong writing and characterisation, and goes back to its theme of indirectly tackling social issues, this time doxxing. 

Spoilers beyond this point. 

Ms. Marvel has been on a bit of a rollercoaster lately. From the Civil War II arc which took an awful premise and spun it into an amazing story, to the emotional release of the issue set in Pakistan, to an election themed issue that really would’ve been more enjoyable in a happier timeline. That’s been over half a year, and while most of it has been phenomenal, sometimes comic books need to slow down a bit and tell more classic comic book-y stories. 

And a villain who can both control all electronic devices with and internet connection and knows the hero’s secret identity is two delightful tropes rolled into one. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

Sometimes you wanna go...

Even though this appears to be the start of a lighter arc, it’s still unafraid to show the effects that the past year have had on Kamala. Rather than just going with “Kamala is playing video games and then this happens,” we understand the reason she’s playing so many video games in the first place. She’s convinced, after losing Bruno, Captain Marvel, and Iron Man, that she has nobody. Naturally she fails to realise how ironic it is that she’s undergoing this thought process while on the receiving end of a heartfelt talk from the concerned and ever perfect Tyesha. 

Kamala does have friends and mentors all around her. She’s so focused on the few that she lost that she fails to see the rest, understandably. 

The torn up Carol poster breaks me a little bit

The main plot of the issue is rather intriguing. One of the other players in her online game hints that they knows Kamala’s real life identity, so she suits up as Ms. Marvel to find out what’s going on. In her investigations, she gets attacked by the same villain who apparently has the ability to control anything with a network connection, making for some really fun action scenes, and finally, a confrontation in the Circle Q where they reveal they know her secret identity…

Like I said above, none of the aspects of this mysterious villain are particularly groundbreaking, but it’s a ton of fun nonetheless, and it’s a good start to what looks like a really good story arc. 

New favorite catchphrase!

Aranwe Quirke is a totally real, definitely not made up name. No, you may not see the birth certificate.

SNL Scraps: Alec Baldwin Hits Another Milestone, Spinoff Rumors Take Flight

The first promo for this week's episode has hit the Internet, and it's a celebratory one! Alec Baldwin will be hosting the show this Saturday, and it'll be his seventeenth time hosting. He's a member of the Five-Timer's Club three times over and counting. To mark this momentous occasion, the promos feature a fast countdown of his seventeen greatest moments. This includes the infamous "Canteen Boy" sketch with Adam Sandler, the equally infamous "Schweddy Balls" sketch, and, of course, his Donald Trump impersonation.

Next up, an interesting rumor has been circulating. SNL could be spinning Weekend Update off into a half-hour series on Thursdays. It would not be connected to the Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday specials that ran during the 2008 election, part of 2009, and the 2012 election. If this does turn out to true, then I would definitely watch it. 

With the current political chaos, it would be a good way to have more up-to-the-minute coverage from the Not Ready For Prime Time Players. It's also interesting to speculate on what would happen to Update during the actual episodes of Saturday Night Live. Still, it's just a rumor. If anything is officially confirmed or denied, I'll be on hand to cover it.

Zachary Krishef is an evil genius. Do not question his knowledge of Saturday Night Live trivia or Harry Potter books.

Critical Hits & Misses #131

• The New York Times asks "Dress like a woman? What does that mean?" This is more coverage of the viral Twitter movement that was spawned by Trump's idiot declaration that women on his staff need to dress like women. 


• Speaking of trolling Trump: last week Swedish female politicians decided to do so in the best way possible. This striking photo of Prime Minister Lövin signing a climate change law surrounded by women probably took a few years off Cheeto Hitler’s life, and we love it.

For today's musical hit, "Room Without A Window" by OPERATION IVY:

Today's critical rolls: Do you dress like a woman (even if you're a man)? What does this even mean?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Canary in a Coal Mi--I mean Arrowcave

If you follow my Berlantiverse reviews, you might have noticed that while I have covered The Flash religiously since it came back from break, I've been completely silent on Arrow.

I'll be talking about all three of the post-break episodes in this piece, but mostly speaking in the context of Black Canary and whatever the hell the writers are doing with her.

(Spoilers beyond the fold)

If you recall from last season, Arrow inexplicably killed off a Canary (and a Lance daughter) yet again, which spawned a surprising amount of anger from the fandom. Surprising because Katie Cassidy's Laurel Lance has always been a somewhat contentious figure with the fans of the show. You kind of either loved her or hated her, or if you were like me, you found her obnoxiously annoying at the start of the show, and found her progression to hero surprisingly satisfying. So count me as one of the fans that was pissed when they killed her off, especially since I'm tired of Canaries and Lance women dying. Also, the last thing the Berlantiverse needs is less women on screen. And finally, as a comic book fan, I strongly believe you cannot have a Green Arrow without his Black Canary.

So Laurel's death was bullshit.

My face when Arrow killed off yet another Lance daughter

But this here is the comic book genre! No one ever really dies, right?

Back at the break in December, the final scene of the show was Oliver walking into the Arrowcave and finding Laurel there in a stunning turn of events. Of course, the CW decided to end that cliffhanger very quickly, because over the holidays, the promos and trailers for the second half of the season revealed that the "revived" Laurel was actually just Black Siren, the evil Laurel from Earth-2. So when the show came back from break, we got a shoddy explanation about how she escaped from STAR Labs (apparently Prometheus whisked her away without Cisco ever noticing what the hell?). Team Arrow locks her up, but we get a terribad argument between Oliver and Felicity over whether this Laurel is worth trying to save or not.

Now, if you recall, Felicity is pissed off at the world because Oliver killed her boyfriend accidentally, thanks to a nasty trick Prometheus pulled. Felicity has not once become angry or snippy with Oliver over that, thankfully. But she is angry, and she doesn't trust Black Siren as far as she can throw her, which is probably legit. Meanwhile, Oliver has found renewed guilt over everything, including Laurel's death. "Who Are You," S5E10, ends with Black Siren being moved to captivity in a nearby ARGUS facility, because Oliver is convinced he can bring her around to being a good guy.

Okay, sure, I'm down. If written well, a rehabbed Black Siren might be cool to have around.

Curiously, that seemingly obvious plan immediately gets nuked, when in S5E11, "Second Chances," Team Arrow embarks on a mission to find a new Black Canary, and finds her, in the form of a former cop at Central City PD whose been missing since the STAR Labs reactor went explodey three years ago. Turns out Tiny Boland, said cop, is now a meta, and she seems to be working her way across America taking out bad guys. Oliver tracks her down and finds that her meta power is the canary cry. How convenient! Anyway, he convinces her to join Team Arrow. We also learn that her real name is Dinah Drake. Wow, another Dinah! One with a canary cry! What are the chances???

Why yes, I'm a Dinah too. It's a popular girls name in Star City, but only for girls growing up to be black-clad badasses

If you're a comic book fan, though, "Dinah Drake" probably rang some bells. She's the current Black Canary in the DCverse. Not gonna lie, Arrow's new Canary is legit badass. Former undercover cop, so she comes pre-set with moves, and she's sarcastic and witty and she and Ollie have good chemistry from the start. The casting choice here--Juliana Harkavy--is actually pretty genius.

In other words, she's the Black Canary that always should have been. Thus far there have been no soft doe-eyed looks between her and Oliver, and that's probably because he's busy sleeping with that reporter chick Susan Williams that is almost certainly going to sink his mayoral career, but I bet cash money that in the future, Oliver and Dinah will be a thing.

I really like the new Canary, but I am also really, really confused. What the hell was the point of bringing up the option of rehabbing Black Siren, then, if the writers were going to insta-replace Laurel with a better Black Canary? I'm not against Dinah Drake, I just don't get the psych-out move of the Black Siren episode.

Whatever. Dinah settles right into her new role with the team, and in S5E12, "Bratva," she goes with them to Russia (sidenote: the rather convenient ability of the Star City mayor to visit a foreign country randomly by private jet was rather eyeroll worthy, I must say) to track down the general that tried to frame Diggle, and who is apparently trying to sell a nuke to terrorists.

Everyone in this episode is some level of emotionally distraught, except Dinah. Oliver has to deal with the Bratva again in order to get information on the nuke deal, which means he has to get back to his thug roots to get on Anatoly's good side. This causes him to belly ache about the fact that no matter how he tries to be good, he always ends up back here knee-deep in violence. Dinah talks him out of his self-pity and reminds him that as a leader, he inspires other people to be good. Meanwhile, John Diggle is losing his goddamn shit over this whole thing with the general, and even beats the crap out of a dude for information. And Felicity shows she's willing to cross a very nebulous line indeed to obtain what they need, which Ragman calls her out over.

Felicity: This is my "Do not screw with me, I know your every dirty secret" face. 

I'm not sure where this whole Felicity storyline is going. And also, curiously, Ragman has temporarily exited off the show because his rags stop working after he uses them to absorb the nuclear bomb's explosion. The show seems to be suggesting that Felicity wants to go all hacktivist again, and that might mean she has bigger fish to fry than whatever Team Arrow is doing, but I sincerely hope that they don't exit her off the show either. Dinah has emotional issues she hasn't dealt with yet, and when those inevitably blow up, I feel like the team will need Felicity around to be the calm voice of reason. I mean, don't get me wrong, Overwatch becoming a serious hacktivist would be cool, but I want her to remain on the team to do it. We need more badass ladies, not less.

Anyway, a bunch of other stuff happened in these episodes too. We get introduced to Talia al Ghul in the flashbacks, and I kind of love her. Diggle has the chance to shoot General Asshole in the face but doesn't, pulling back from the brink of yet another murder. Curtis has a crisis of faith of sorts and almost leaves the team because he keeps getting his ass kicked and he lost his husband, but Rene, of all people, pulls him back in by telling him that Curtis needs to do what he is good at. Which means Curtis is mostly back to team tinkerer. I love Curtis and I agree he needs to do what he's good at (plus his Mr. Terrific mask is freaking awful), but I don't want him to replace Felicity either. And speaking of Rene, this initially obnoxious Wild Dog character has become oddly gratifying and necessary to have around. Frankly, out of everyone on the team, he seems to be the most settled and comfortable with himself, so not only did he talk Curtis back from the brink of quitting, but in "Bratva," Rene counsels Paul Blackthorne's Quentin Lance, who returns to the show and immediately wants to dive right back in and prove he's a badass, except he has issues to work out still.

So Green Arrow finally has his Black Canary, but first he has to crash and burn with Susan Williams (I don't trust her, she's obviously digging up shit behind his back, and it appears she just figured out that he's the Green Arrow). I'm a little puzzled as to why the writers took such a meandering route to get to this point, and one can't help but think that the only reason we have Dinah Drake is simply because of the fan rage over the idiotic death of Black Canary last season. I mean, nothing in the show indicates they ever planned to bring her in from the get-go, and all of the convenience factors of her existence suggest she was rather hastily put together. But, she's cool.

Sidenote: I'm still pissed off that the Arrow writers wasted a perfectly good codename like Artemis on a trash character like Evelyn. Not only did she turn traitor because of stupid reasons ("you're a murderer, Oliver, so I'm going to join up with this serial killer!"), but when she was on the team, they didn't even let Artemis actually do anything. Wild Dog kept hogging the glory and story. And as Prometheus' lackey, she still isn't doing anything.

I demand my Artemis from Young Justice.

What do you think of the new Black Canary?

The 89th Academy Awards

Hello all. My name is Elessar and I am the new writer here at Critical Writ. Some of you may recognize me and my bizarre, train of thought writing style from my work on The Mary Sue, or hopefully my personal X-Files review blog. I’m here to talk about movies, tabletop games and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of bubb—oh wait, here’s some. Oh well. For my first article, I’d like to talk about the Oscars.

Ah the Oscars. The Film Nerd’s Superbowl, especially since, as much as I love it, I spend just as much time whining about it as I do enjoying it. But, as much as I may complain about how safe and uninteresting the winners are, I’m glad they exist. A lot of movies I really love (Adaptation, Black Swan, The Big Short, 12 Years A Slave, No Country For Old Men) probably wouldn't exist if someone pitching it hadn't been able to say “It could win Oscars.”

So I put up with it, despite all its flaws and I always follow the nominees and winners religiously. And last year the big story was #OscarsSoWhite, a hashtag conceived to draw attention to the fact that last year, not a lot of non-white people were nominated for awards. I mean, there was one (Alejandro Innaritu) but pretty much no one else. So this year, the Academy made a conscious choice to consider and nominate more people of color, so let's see how it turned out.

I mean, how do you not nominate Michael B. Jordan, come on!

Best Picture:

Arrival

Fences

Hacksaw Ridge

Hell or High Water

Hidden Figures

La La Land

Lion

Manchester by the Sea

Moonlight

The big front runners are all here, and while there some surprises and some overlooked gems, I’d say that the two big front runners are La La Land and Moonlight. Admittedly I could be wrong; I am very surprised to see Hacksaw Ridge and Hell or High Water up here, and pleasantly surprised to see Lion in as many categories as it is, but barring an upset from Manchester, I’d say those two are the big ones.

Of those two, while La La Land is a perfectly fine movie, elevated by an INCREDIBLE final few minutes, there really is no contest in my mind. La La Land is a very good, 8/10 movie. Moonlight is an amazing movie, easily one of the best of the year, to the point where I’m still not totally certain if I should have named it best of the year. That doesn't mean anything, being the best doesn't mean you’ll win, but if I were choosing, Moonlight would win without any effort.

The good surprises, aside from Lion, is Arrival making it up to the starting gate (speaking of movies with incredible endings). It’s very unlikely to win, but just seeing it up warms the cockles of my heart. Hidden Figures is also a very good, if rather schmultzy, film and Fences and Manchester are...well actors movies, and most of the Oscar voters are actors.

On the less desireable end of things, I’m not certain how Mel Gibson’s insane gorefest Hacksaw Ridge manages to slip past the litany of horrible things he’s done and said and made it up here, but hey, no one consults me on these things. In any case, it’s unlikely he’ll win anything, so we can just safely ignore it...if it didn’t have so many nominations.

I will say, as I say every year, there are several movies that I wish were here. Yorgos Lanthimos’ bizarre, but brilliant, masterpiece The Lobster was my pick for best of the year, and I’d love to see it with some more nominations. On a similarly insane note, I’d also love to see Swiss Army Man with some nominations, although I understand why it doesn’t have them. The Coen Brothers got completely overlooked for Hail, Caesar! this year, which is a shame. And then there are always the weird genre examples, like The Witch or Deadpool, that never had a chance in hell of being nominated, but I’d like to see them here anyway.

Best Director

Damien Chazelle - La La Land

Mel Gibson - Hacksaw Ridge

Barry Jenkins - Moonlight

Kenneth Lonergan - Manchester by the Sea

Dennis Villeneveu - Arrival

With the expansion of Best Picture from 5 nominees to up to 10, Director has been an easy way to figure out who are actually likely to win, and who are in the “It’s an honor to be nominated” category, and this one shakes out pretty predictably. Both of our two front runners are here, as is our upset, and I suspect this won’t be a split year; Whoever grabs director will also grab picture, and I suspect it’s going to be Moonlight. Hacksaw Ridge is the odd man out here, as I can’t think of anyone who really liked it. Oh well.

Best Actor:

Casey Affleck - Manchester by the Sea

Andrew Garfield - Hacksaw Ridge

Ryan Gosling - La La Land

Viggo Mortensen - Captain Fantastic

Denzel Washington - Fences

Pretty predictable stuff here, with the exception of Viggo, who was giving an incredible performance in service of a not-so-incredible film. I wouldn’t be totally surprised to see him grab it, just as an apology for the fact that when he gave the performance of his lifetime (Eastern Promises) was also when Daniel Day-Lewis was always going to grab it, but I could just be thinking that because the category is wide open (the ball is probably in Gosling’s court though).

As for people who should be nominated, well, Colin Farrel should definitely be up for The Lobster and while I recognize they had trouble figuring out which actor from the three who play the lead in Moonlight should be nominated, they could have at least nominated one of them. They could easily lose Andrew Garfield to make room for either of those two.

Best Actress:

Isabelle Huppert - Elle

Ruth Negga - Loving

Natalie Portman - Jackie

Emma Stone - La La Land

Meryl Streep - Florence Foster Jenkins

This is a pretty meh category, so Emma Stone will probably take it, although I’d love to see Isabelle Huppert take it. I haven’t seen Loving or Jackie, so I can’t comment, and seriously Academy, you need to stop with Meryl Streep, this is getting ridiculous. As for who should be here, Amy Adams definitely deserves a nomination for Arrival, I’d loved to have seen Ann Taylor-Joy for The Witch and while I’m here, why doesn’t The Handmaiden have any nominations?

Best Supporting Actor:

Maresha Ali - Moonlight

Jeff Bridges - Hell or High Water

Lucas Hedges - Manchester by the Sea

Dev Patel - Lion

Michael Shannon - Nocturnal Animals

This is actually one of the better categories. I’d say Maresha Ali is probably the frontrunner, with either Dev Patel or Michael Shannon as the upset, but I’m still uncertain. I feel like I should see Manchester by the Sea, just so I can have an opinion on all the nominations it has. Or maybe any of these except Moonlight. Ah well.

Best Supporting Actress:

Viola Davis - Fences

Naomie Harris - Moonlight

Nicole Kidman - Lion

Octavia Spencer - Hidden Figures

Michelle Williams - Manchester by the Sea

This is one of those slots that I hope to the Emperor is completely sewn up in favor of Viola Davis. I haven’t seen Fences, but Davis is such a great actress and she’s deserved it for so long, that I really hope she grabs this one. Aside from that, Naomie Harris gave an incredible performance, so she’d be my hope for an upset. I’m not 100 percent sold on Hidden Figures, but the degree to which it’s a good movie is entirely supported by its performances, so I’m on board with Octavia Spencer’s nomination.

Best Original Screenplay:

Taylor Sheridan - Hell or High Water

Damien Chazelle - La La Land

Yorgos Lanthimos and Efthymis Filippou - The Lobster

Kenneth Longeran - Manchester by the Sea

Mike Mills - 20th Century Women

The Lobster got a screenplay nod! I know it’s not going to win (this is probably going to either La La Land or Manchester by the Sea) but I don’t even care, I’m just so stoked. I can’t wait to see what they pick for its Oscar clip, the entire movie is just completely insane. As for the rest, I’m totally fine with this category, at least as far as I know. I really gotta see Manchester don’t I?

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Eric Heisser - Arrival

August Wilson - Fences

Allison Schroeder and Theordore Melfi - Hidden Figures

Luke Davies - Lion

Barry Jenkins and Tarrell Alvin McCraney - Moonlight

This is a pretty tight slot (and I’m pretty stoked to see Arrival here) but I think it’s going to Moonlight, although the Academy does like posthumous wins, which might give Fences the edge. I will say, while Hidden Figures is by no means a bad movie, I don’t think it should be getting a screenplay nomination, its screenplay is pretty weak overall.

Best Animated Feature:

Kubo and the Two Strings

Moana

My Life as a Cougerette

The Red Turtle

Zootopia

My feelings on the Best Animated Feature slot are...mixed, to say the least. It’s not that they give the win to bad movies, it’s that they almost never give it to the best movie. Anomalisa, Paranorman, The Secret of Kells, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Illusionist, Persepolis, none of those managed to win, and stuff like Waltz With Bashir, Coraline and A Scanner Darkly didn't even manage to get nominated. The Academy just mindlessly gives it to whatever Disney or Pixar has put out that year, regardless of what else is out there. This year, the prize is almost certainly going to Zootopia, which despite the fact that Kubo is better, I guess I’m fine with.

Best Foreign Language Film:

Land of Mine

A Man Called Ove

The Salesman

Tanna

Toni Eridman

This year is probably going to The Salesman, although the popularity of A Man Called Ove might be enough to give it the edge. I haven’t seen any of these, so my commentary is limited (although the fact that an Australian film, filmed in Nauvhal, qualified is interesting), but I do have to ask: What the HELL is wrong with South Korea? Why didn't they make The Handmaiden their nominee? Was it not qualified, what the hell?

Best Documentary:

Fire At Sea

I Am Not Your Negro

Life, Animated

O.J.: Made in America

13th

This is a pretty charged set this year, and I’ve actually seen the majority of them. I’d say 13th has the edge, which is good because it would be my pick, but there’s also an outside shot for O.J. Both of those are on streaming right now (13th on Netflix, O.J. on Hulu) and you should see them both at the next opportunity. Might wanna be careful with O.J. though, it’s over 400 minutes long.

Best Original Song:

The Empty Chair - Jim: The James Foley Story

Audition (The Fools Who Dream) - La La Land

City of Stars - La La Land

How Far I’ll Go - Moana

Can’t Stop The Feeling - Trolls

Best Original Song is such a weird category, but this year is pretty good. Neither of the songs they picked are my favorite song from La La Land (I liked Another Day of Sun best) but of the two, I think it should go to Audition, and it probably will. Unless the two nominations split the La La Land vote, like they did with Enchanted back in 2007, in which case it’ll probably go to Moana.

Alright, this article has already run WAY too long, so here are some cliff notes on technicals:

• La La Land and Arrival are the front runners for technicals.
• A LOT of bad movies have technical award nominations this year, although some of them do have impressive technical work.
• I have no idea why Suicide Squad got a makeup nomination (was Croc THAT impressive?)
• Kubo is the first animated film since Nightmare Before Christmas to get a Best Visual Effects nomination
• You should stop reading and go see Moonlight.

Alright, that’s it for my first article here. The awards will be handed out on February 26th, and I will be live tweeting them sarcastically, as I do every year.

And seriously, go see Moonlight.

Elessar is a 27 year old Alaskan-born, Connecticut-based, cinephile with an obsession with The Room and a god complex.