Critical Hits & Misses #272






For today's musical hit, we have Dua Lipa and "New Rules"




Today's critical rolls: What other male-centric stories, like Lord of the Flies, do you think would make for an interesting genderbent twist?


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Critical Hits & Misses #271




For today's musical hit,we have Echosmith and "Future Me"




Today's critical rolls: Did you see any of this year's big summer flops? (Pirates of the Caribbean, Transformers, Valerian, to name a few). Did you  actually enjoy any of them?


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Kind Nepenthe Is A Tale Of The Perverse - Book Review

With Halloween only two months away, you’re going to have to select your October reads soon! To help you select this year’s offerings of spooky reads, I volunteer as tribute to read as many horrors and thrillers as I can humanly stand. Let’s look at Kind Nepenthe by Matthew V. Brockmeyer.

Rebecca Hawthorne really didn’t want to come to Homicide Hill, but recent work troubles and an eager boyfriend, Calendula, made her accept drug dealer Coyote’s job offer to grow marijuana. Her daughter, Megan, comes with them to live off the land in Humboldt County, but Rebecca begins to worry as Megan starts to obsess over death and ghosts. I have to admit I picked this one up for two reasons: my husband is from Humboldt County, and I am also someone’s creepy, macabre daughter named Megan.

“Homicide Hill” is Brockmeyer’s version of Murder Mountain, a real spot in Humboldt County with a sordid history of drugs and murder. While “Murder Mountain” is a better name, it’s understandable that Brockmeyer would want to create his own mythology from scratch, especially since some of the real life murders there are very recent and unsolved. Some elements are there; the real Murder Mountain was once home to a pair of hippie serial killers, while Homicide Hill is the resting place of one long dead serial killer and his victims. It’s obvious what he is taking inspiration from, but does not feel exploitative at all.

Kind Nepenthe works best as a gripping drama with the conflict between dreams and the shitty reality at the center. Rebecca, Calendula, Coyote and Dan are not bad people, but they make terrible decisions one after another that leave them only shitty options. Some of Rebecca and Calendula’s troubles feel a bit contrived; after the first pay day, why doesn’t Rebecca rent an apartment in Eureka and take another job while Calendula stays to grow the weed? Why doesn’t Rebecca homeschool Megan at all? I felt the horror elements could have been cut altogether and more focus put on the very real problems that they all had. A great deal of thought is put into the logistics of growing and selling weed, but simple matters like Megan’s truancy gets shuffled away for unnecessary spookiness. Not much of the horror is actually scary and just feels like a diversion from the good parts. The little boy ghost feels cookie cutter, and let’s just say that any scene that involves a man getting eaten by a monstrous vagina isn’t scary, it’s hilarious. After that it was just hard to take any of the supernatural parts seriously.

This is Brockmeyer’s first novel, but he has published several short stories and has a creepy pasta following. I bring this up not to accuse him of being an amateur; his prose is fine, and the book is miles ahead of many horror novels I’ve read. I do think many of my gripes with this book comes from elements that would be fine in a short story, but do not necessarily work in a novel format. The supernatural scares feel unnecessary, and the ending just feels too sudden and an unsatisfactory way to leave characters that I’ve spent a whole novel getting attached to. In the end it feels like the characters were pushed off of Plot Cliff rather than brought to an organic ending that does them justice.

Kind Nepenthe by Matthew V. Brockmeyer was published by Black Rose Writing on July 27, 2017, and is available wherever fine books are sold.

Megan “Spooky” Crittenden is a secluded writer who occasionally ventures from her home to give aid to traveling adventurers.

Critical Hits & Misses #270





For today's musical hit, we have Clean Bandit and "Rockabye"



Today's critical rolls: Remember all those roles Hollywood has already whitewashed? Well, time for som fan-casting and dreamcasting! Name the movie/tv you wish Hollywood had gotten right, and who you wish had been cast instead!



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Critical Hits & Misses #269






For today's musical hit, we have Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do"




Today's critical rolls: Happy Monday! Anything exciting happen this weekend in your world?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

My Best Friend's Exorcism - Book Review

My sister is also a voracious reader, but growing up we didn’t have similar tastes in books. I liked Animorphs, she liked Goosebumps. She loved Nancy Drew, I loved Redwall. We both read The Babysitter’s Club, but she was a Kristy fan while I wanted to be Claudia. There wasn’t really anything we could bond over until in our tweens when we got our hands on Fear Street.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix is a nostalgic trip for anyone who experienced the eighties, but for me it reminds me a lot of Fear Street Cheerleaders (my favourite thing ever from R.L. Stine).  The story centers around Abby and Gretchen, two best friends whose relationship is put to the test in 1988, when Gretchen starts acting strangely. She just isn’t herself, and Abby suspects a number of things; a bad trip, problems at home, and even sexual assault. In fact, it’s not just that Gretchen is strange; very odd things begin to happen when she is around. By the time Abby realizes her friend might be possessed, their friends are hurt and Abby has little time left before the demon comes for her.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism, for the most part, relies on pop culture references and tropes to tell its story. For about two thirds of the book, the story goes as you pretty much suspect: the scares get increasingly horrifying; friends turns against friends in misunderstandings; and parents and authority figures do not believe and actively impede their attempts to fix their problems. The scares are genuinely good and frightening; without spoiling anything, there’s one in particular that revived a irrational fear I had as a child, that I had forgotten about until now. Thanks, Hendrix!

It’s all by the numbers until the last third of the book, which saves it from becoming boring and predictable. I did feel that it leaned too hard on tropes before that point, risking the reader getting a little fed up with just how much the world is against Abby. Once Abby approaches the exorcist, however, it becomes far more than just another nostalgic homage to all things eighties.

Below there be mild spoilers!

One common trope in exorcism stories is that a girl is possessed, usually by exploring the occult, and a man must drive the demon (who is often sexually deviant) out of her to save her. There’s a lot of sexist baggage to unpack there! First, it denigrates occult practices like fortune telling and mediumship that are mostly practiced by women. Tainted by these evil feminine practices, the girl/woman becomes sexually perverse and must be stopped by a Church father. The demon in exorcism tales can often be read as multiple dangers of modern society: feminism, free love, new religions, and independence from traditional patriarchal religion.

 Without spoiling too much, My Best Friend’s Exorcism is the first exorcism tale I’ve read that did not totally rely on a man to save the possessed; the power of friendship, not the power of Christ, compels you. Neopagans and Spiritualists may also rejoice; the source of Gretchen’s possession does not come from ouija boards or dabbling in magic. There is a lot of reference to the Satanic Panic of the 80s, but very little concretely ties into the plot.

The surprise twist is a breath of fresh air in the genre, and to me that more than makes up for the derivative parts of the narrative that drives us there. My Best Friend’s Exorcism is a fun, gross, heartwarming tale of friendship in the 80s, and I challenge you not to cry when you read the last paragraph. I now know what I’m getting my sister for Christmas!

My Best Friend's Exorcism by Grady Hendrix was published by Quirky Books in May 2016, but that amazing paperback cover was released July 11th 2017.  It is available wherever books are sold.

Megan “Spooky” Crittenden is a secluded writer who occasionally ventures from her home to give aid to traveling adventurers.

Critical Hits & Misses #268

blackest-night



(Editor's Note: we apologize for the lack of CH&M yesterday... stuff happens)




For today's musical hit, we have Computer Games, Darren Criss and "Lost Boys Life," starring the adorable Gaten Matarazzo from Stranger Things.



Today's critical rolls: Happy last Friday in August! What's on the agenda for the weekend for you?


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Critical Hits & Misses #267






For today's musical hit, we have rising artist Demetria McKinney and "Easy"



Today's critical rolls: Did you watch The Defenders? Did you like it? Tell us what you think!


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #266





For today's musical hit, we have Thirty Seconds to Mars and "Walk On Water"





Today's critical rolls: Forget next summer, what are you looking forward to for the rest of 2017, in terms of movies and Netflix and tv?


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Critical Hits & Misses #265





For today's musical hit, because i just have to okay?, we have Bonnie Tyler's classic "Total Eclipse of the Heart"




Today's critical rolls: Did you watch the eclipse? Even if you didn't, do you find science and the heavenly bodies interesting?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #264






For today's musical hit, we have P!nk and "What About Us"




Today's critical rolls: According to some people, the solar eclipse next Monday will bring about the end of the world, or maybe just plain ol' alien abduction. Whatever. If this is your last weekend on Earth, what would you do with it if you had the money to do anything you wanted to?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #263





For today's musical hit, here's Kesha and her live performance of "Praying" on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.




Today's critical rolls: Whether you're Gen X or Millenial, have you ever watched an old tv show (American, British, whatever), and suddenly been struck by the blatant misogyny on display that was considered totally normal at the time? What kind of shows/moments?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #262






For today's musical hit, we have Lindsey Stirling's "Brave Enough"




Today's critical rolls: Would it have been better for Diana/Wondie to not have a father? Why or why not?


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Critical Hits & Misses #261





For today's musical hit, we have Gorillaz and "Strobelight"



Today's critical rolls: Happy Monday! What went on this past weekend in your world?


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SNL Scraps: A Summer 'Update'


Starting this Thursday, Saturday Night Live will debut a limited edition summer run of Weekend Update, dubbed Weekend Update: Summer Edition. Similar to the Weekend Update Thursday specials that aired during the 2012 election, they will serve as bonus editions of the segment. This has been spurred on from the most recent season's above-average ratings and positive reviews.

Other cast members will most likely appear in guest segments, but it is currently unknown if the episodes will have cold openings. However, the episodes will still be live. To promote this special event, SNL's YouTube channel posted a promotional clip featuring jokes from the past season, along with handpicked Update segments from past decades.


Do you feel like watching classic bits from some of the first few seasons? Check out a surprisingly young Chevy Chase, along with the late Gilda Radner appearing as one of her most famous recurring characters, Ms. Emily Litella.



Alternately, a famous bit that has often been referenced in popular culture, Point/Counterpoint. A simple debate immediately turns ugly, perhaps providing the inspiration for almost anything from Fox News.


Finally, you could take a look at comedy legend Eddy Murphy in his television days or enjoy the comedy stylings of current senator Al Franken. I'm a fan of this, because it shows the different incarnations of SNL throughout history.




Weekend Update: Summer Edition airs live on Thursdays starting on August 10th, 2017. You can find it on NBC.

Zachary Krishef is an evil genius. Do not question his knowledge of Saturday Night Live trivia or Harry Potter books.

Critical Hits & Misses #260






For today's musical hit, we DJ Khaled and "Wild Thoughts"



Today's critical rolls: What books out there do you think seriously need the tv treatment?


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Critical Hits & Misses #259







For today's musical hit, we have Chastity Belt and "Different Now"



Today's critical rolls: What's your top movie of 2017 so far?


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Review: Dunkirk


Christopher Nolan is one of those directors I feel like a lot of people are looking for reasons to hate. Not that there aren't legitimate criticisms of both his art and his politics, but I feel like those get subsumed in some criticisms of his aesthetics. Yeah he tends to be a little emotionally distant and focused on fitting the pieces of his plot together, but that's what I like about him. If I want emotions, I have other places I can go. And honestly, I've been looking forward to his newest movie Dunkirk since the moment I first saw the trailer. That of course doesn't guarantee it's good; I was very much looking forward to Interstellar before I saw it and, well, the less said about that, the better. But Dunkirk looked very much like it would be right up Nolan's peculiar alley.

Centered around the Dunkirk evacuation (quick version: In World War 2, after a defeat in France, the British and French armies were pinned against the ocean by the Nazis, until the British sent a bunch of civilian ships across the channel to help evacuate them), Dunkirk tells three parallel stories. On the beach, a group of British soldiers try desperately to get their way off the beach and back home. On the ocean, a civilian boat crosses the channel to try and help with the evacuation. And finally, in the air, three British planes try to cover and protect the evacuating boats.

Dunkirk is a movie which I can imagine a lot of people disliking. It's loud, it's bleak and it's a brutally intense experience. It's also an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. I can see how some people might not like or appreciate it, but I loved it to pieces and odds are it will be on my best of 2017 list. So if you want my quickest possible opinion, you should absolutely see it. Even if you don't like it, you should experience it.

"So uh...I don't think it's going well."
Honestly, the thing that recommends it the most is the beautiful direction. Or, maybe beautiful is the wrong word. Striking, like the rest of the movie. Dunkirk contains some of the most striking images of Christopher Nolan's career, and he finds incredible images in even the smallest moment. Anyone can find brilliant imagery in falling bombs or sinking ships, but one of the most striking images is just watching a group of soldiers turn all in unison as they realize they hear an approaching plane. Every frame of this movie embedded itself in my brain after the first viewing, much less after the second.

It's helped by a quietly intense score, one that sometimes pulses underneath the action, almost a part of the sound design and other times breaks out to sound more like a proper score. It's all very well utilized though, and combines with the incredible actual sound design to create a movie that literally keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire runtime. I know a lot of movies promise that, or something like it, but Dunkirk did it for me, keeping me tense enough from start to finish that I was fairly certain I was going to have a heart attack.

"Guys? Guys! GUYS!"
Of course, one of the more contentious things in this movie is the decision to strip the movie's story, characters and dialogue as far down as they can possible go while still being a movie. It's a bold decision, one that worked very well for me, but that might alienate some viewers. It feels authentic to put anything resembling a larger story on the back burner to let the simple scrabbling for survival take the front seat. I'm mixing my metaphors, aren't I?

Not to say that the actors aren't putting in their work too. Fionn Whitehead and Aneurin Banard are good in mostly silent roles, who manages to emphasize their desperation and fear as they scramble to get off the mole. Mark Rylance is the obvious emotional heart of the movie, while Cillian Murphy is a great human face to the horrors that are going on. Even Kenneth Brannagh and Ralph Finnes do fantastic, understated work. And yes, it must be said; Tom Hardy can act more with the upper half of his face than most people can with their whole body.

Still, I'm not going to claim that the movie is perfect, and it even has flaws outside of things I file under "Things I like, but some people might not." While from paying close attention I understood the timeline of all the events, the movie could make things clearer. It's also a very oddly paced movie. Its purposeful bucking of character arcs can make it hard to tell where you are in the narrative and that can make it feel longer than it is.

"Is that Harry Styles?"
I saw this movie the same day I finally caught Baby Driver, which yes, was a major emotional whiplash, but I think the two movies are more similar than you might think from their trailers. Both of them are far more concerned with action and sound, rather than with story or character. But while Baby Driver has a story and characters, which are underdeveloped and thus make the film weaker, Dunkirk eschews all of that, creating a stark, pared down film, and one of the best films of the summer.
  
Elessar is a 27 year old Alaskan-born, Connecticut-based, cinephile with an obsession with The Room and a god complex. 

Critical Hits & Misses #258

Shaft 2001 Samuel L Jackson's bad mother stare



For today's musical hit, we have Lorde and "The Louvre"



Today's critical rolls: Randomly, I've got war movies on my mind today. Are you a fan? Why or why not? What's your favorite if you are a fan? (movies about actual historical wars, even if the characters may have been fictionalized, like Dunkirk, Apocalypse Now, heck even Forrest Gump, etc).


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #256




For today's musical hit, we have Kesha and "Praying"



Today's critical rolls: Are you a fan of Stephen King? What are your favorite stories if so? Whether you're a fan or not, did you see The Dark Tower or are you going to?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Strange Practice Heals Your Summer Woes

We’re in the thick of summer now, and if you’re anything like me you’re filling up on Hellboy and Castlevania, because in the heat of summer all I can think about is death and horror. It really can’t just be me, because on top of Castlevania, we got the release of Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw. It could not wait for the Halloween season, no, we need a book to remind us that relief is just a month or two away.

Greta Helsing is a doctor to the supernatural, inheriting her clinic after her father died. Among her patients are mummies, werewolves, demons, ghouls, and vampires. Greta loves her work, but a serial killer stalks the streets of London, and humans are not the only thing it is preying on. When the vampire Varney is viciously attacked by a group of cultists, Greta realizes that this is more than your standard vampire hunter. She and her small group of supernatural friends work to investigate the cult and put an end to their reign of terror.

If you insist that vampires are unequivocally monsters not to be romanticized, this is not the book for you. The book does not glorify abusive romance or spend too much time on the melancholy of being a vampire. Rather, the vampires are just so nice and gosh darn eager to help. They do not kill their victims, they do not use their mind control abilities for evil, and their biggest problem is that after all these centuries it just gets a bit dull. Ruthven particularly is less vampire and more Greta’s immortal rich friend who is eager to smother her and anyone he meets with generosity and home cooking. Varney is more morose, but utterly harmless.

Another curious fact about her group of friends is that she has surrounded herself with a harem of men, and no other woman besides Greta is of any importance. Greta mourns her father, but as far as I recall there is no mention of her mother. The only other two mostly-human named female characters are her assistants at the clinic, who cover for her while she investigates the mad monks. They do not have much personality or purpose besides the logistics of running the clinic. Aside from one motherly ghoul who barely speaks, Greta is completely surrounded by men who fawn over her. While Fass is a father figure, the other men in her entourage remind me a bit of characters in a dating sim. I couldn't refrain from taking bets with myself on who she would end up with. (I was, as it turns out, completely right.)

That might give you the impression that this is a light, fluffy read, but not so. It just may or may not be your cup of tea. The world Shaw builds is intriguing even if the vamps lack bite; the idea of a doctor for supernaturals is just too ticklish and Shaw takes great pains to make it all so believable. In between developments, Greta attends to mummies who need body parts replaced, demons with asthma, and ghouls with depression. I have no idea if any of Greta’s medical talk is accurate, but it is certainly convincing to the lay reader without feeling overwhelmed with jargon. If you’ve ever read a good sci-fi whose science you didn’t completely understand, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

In fact, structure-wise my only criticism is the pacing. The book feels a good fifty pages too long, as much minutiae is explained that doesn’t really need to be. Whole scenes could have been cut, and the ending overstays its welcome after the climax we slowly clawed our way to. That is in part intentional: Shaw’s strengths lie in the witty banter between Greta and her friends, but not much so on mystery or action. Either more action or a shorter book would have improved the experience.

Once we get over the lack of much that is actually morally grey (let alone pure evil), Strange Practice offers a spoopy summer read. Frankly, there should be more books like it: if the weather isn’t quite ready for fall horror reads, Strange Practice will whet your appetite for monsters until it is seasonally acceptable to binge read Dracula late at night.

Megan “Spooky” Crittenden is a secluded writer who occasionally ventures from her home to give aid to traveling adventurers

Critical Hits & Misses #255




For today's musical hit, because it's Friday, we have Coldplay and "Hymn For The Weekend"



Today's critical rolls: Okay, but sometimes crappy movies can be fun, right? Are there any "crappy" movies you like that bombed at the box office, or that aren't popular with most folks? Why?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #254





For today's musical hit, we have Demi Lovato and "Sorry Not Sorry"




Today's critical rolls: Uhh, the temperature is brutal on the west coast today. I'm ready for Fall now, kthx. What's your favorite season and why?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #253





For today's musical hit, I don't feature a lot of Latin music here, which is a shame, because it can be so awesome and dance-able. So here's Luis Fonsi and "Despacito" (tn: Slowly)



Today's critical rolls: What kind of music do you like? Do you ever listen to music that isn't part of YOUR culture?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.

Critical Hits & Misses #252

None of these stories have anything to do with MLP, I just mad about Confederate


For today's musical hit, because we need something beautiful in this world, here's Lindsey Stirling having a wild west string out (instead of shoot out, haha):




Today's critical rolls: I've got music on my mind. Do you play an instrument, or have played in the past? If you don't currently play, is there something you wish you could learn?


Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: we reserve the right to ban you for being a terribad citizen of the internet.