Book Review: The Graveyard Apartment Is A Spine Chilling Read

Mariko Koike’s The Graveyard Apartment, originally published in Japan in 1986, has a brand new English translation that was published on October 11, 2016. That’s a thirty year gap, and you might be curious if it still holds up. I am personally of the opinion that good horror is timeless, so let’s take a look.

The story centers around the Kano family, who recently found a great deal on an apartment in Tokyo. The catch, however, is that the apartment complex is built right next to a cemetery, Buddhist temple, and crematorium. Husband Teppei is particularly proud of how cheap it was and how great the commute is, and daughter Tamao is pleased to find there are friends for her in the building. The wife Misao however has strong reservations. Nevertheless, she goes along with it and tries to make do, despite the constant bad feelings that follow her.

Misao and Teppei might not be sympathetic characters to most readers. Their relationship led to the suicide of Teppei’s first wife, Reiko. That’s not really a spoiler, I promise. It comes up super early in the book and they continuously think about her. The family is really already haunted (at least metaphorically) by the time they move into the apartment by the graveyard, and that may explain why they thought it was such a good idea. Or maybe they were looking for punishment and more reminders of what they had done.

I personally did feel bad for Misao. She defended the memory of Reiko fiercely. She felt punished by both her family, and by Teppei’s, who never really accepted her even if they continued to support Teppei. Reiko was also a very traditional woman, and Misao was not; she took time off work while Tamao was at home, but now that she was entering school she was picking up more freelance work. From Teppei’s point of view, Misao being nontraditional is what excited him about her, but for Misao that seemed to be strikes against her. She views her younger self as hedonistic and is suffering for her transgressions years later.

The horror is tense, and thankfully does not rely on gore or shock. It starts off very slowly and builds up. When the Kanos realize what’s going on, it is too late. My biggest gripe however is that I didn’t feel it was sufficiently explained why the Kano family was targeted. Oh, there’s reasons for the ghosts of the graveyard to be angry in general, but why the Kano family specifically are attacked I didn’t really understand. Maybe Reiko’s ghost was there all along and the other ghosts wished to avenge her, but it had been years since Reiko’s death and it just seems utterly unfair that the child and the dog would get punished as well as the parents. Speaking of, I do usually find it’s cheap to put children and animals in danger for the sake of tension.

Despite the unsatisfactory ending, I did overall enjoy the book and found it sufficiently creepy for a Halloween read. Horror in my opinion is very difficult to get right, and despite it’s age I think The Graveyard Apartment holds up well. It certainly made me wary of doing laundry in the basement!

The Graveyard Apartment by Mariko Koike was translated by Deborah Boliver Boehm and is published by Thomas Dunne Books. It can be found on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, and other stores where fine books are sold.

Megan “Spooky” Crittenden is a secluded writer who occasionally ventures from her home to give aid to traveling adventurers.

Critical Hits & Misses #84

• Uproxx posted a fascinating article on why certain bits from late night talk shows have been going viral. And, yes, it does mention Carpool Karaoke and Lip Sync Battle. (Zachary)


• Alec Baldwin has promised to stop impersonating the US President-Elect... if Mr. Trump releases his tax records. So basically, we'll have Baldwin's Trump impersonation forever. (Ivonne)


• Newsweek discusses why feminism is good for romance. This is a pretty excellent look at how men and women view romance. Bonus points for including the most boss of all real-life feminist romances: Barack and Michelle Obama. (Ivonne)

For today's musical hit, listen to Shawn Mendes' soothing "Mercy," live on Saturday Night Live this past weekend.

Today's critical rolls:

1. Do you think feminism is good for romance? Why or why not?

— Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: don't be the ribbon on the basket of deplorables.

Saturday Night Live S42, E8- Emma Stone, Shawn Mendes: The Cast Delves Into Feminism And 90s Nostalgia

Cold Opening: I wonder how the high school student feels about briefly getting parodied on Saturday Night Live. Also, it’s sad that politics have gotten so weird that the actors briefly to look to the camera and clarify that the events are real. The opening was pretty good, but I want to see more of their version of Steven Bannon, who seems to be either a serial killer or the Grim Reaper.

Monologue: My gosh, a rare example of continuity with Kyle and Leslie briefly making out. Also, it’s so weird how they can get Bobby Moynihan to look like a teenager. This isn’t the first time that a sketch has compared the show to high school, but the comparison isn’t stale. The last time they did it, I think Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon were still on the show and it was a film parody. Still, where’s Colin and Michael? If the current cast are high-schoolers, who are the alumni? I need to go speculate. You can watch it here.

High School Theatre Show With Emma Stone: YES! Honestly, I would happy with seeing a new rendition of this sketch every week. They’ll never run out of material for it, especially if the post-election world gets even weirder. (Read: More terrifying.) I can't see myself getting tired of their tone-deaf skits.

The Christmas Candle: All hail the mighty Candle. I wonder what they used to enhance the video. It looked shimmery, like they were also trying to parody a certain genre. Probably just a special effect or postproduction detail.

Posters: I think I can see what they were trying to do with the sketch, but some factors dragged it down. Firstly, it felt too cheesy. I know it’s trying to parody PSA-type shows, but there’s a fine line between making fun of overly saccharine scenes and becoming one. Secondly, Emma Stone’s character was really irritating. True, that was the purpose, but it could have been done in a better way. You can watch it here.

The Hunt For Hil: Absolutely spot-on parody of the ‘supernatural investigator’ style of show. It almost feels like a missed opportunity that they didn’t combine it with the recent clown sightings, but that doesn’t really matter.

Shawn Mendes Performance #1- “Mercy”: I had a good time discussing the song with my friends.

Weekend Update: Am I the only one who thinks that it’s really funny when Leslie Jones breaks character? At least in this instance, it injected some humor into a mediocre piece. As for the other guest piece, I really like Vanessa Bayer’s Rachel-from-Friends impression. I think that the funniest part would have to be Colin’s horrified reactions to the scene transitions. I also enjoyed Jennifer Aniston’s cameo, another example in a long list of real-life celebrities interacting with their SNL counterparts. You can watch it here, here, here, and down below.

Cleaning Crew: The little touches sold this sketch for me, like Christine’s condescending racism and Dan’s children being present for the disturbing Santa songs. I do wish that Melissa had more to do than just a brief cameo in the sketch. So far in the episode, she’s just had background roles. Still, the main focus had to be on the three night cleaning members, brilliantly played by Leslie Jones, Cecily Strong, and Emma Stone. You can watch it here.

Film Screening: I love it when actors play fictionalized versions of themselves. It’s equally wonderful to see the return of Debette Goldry, one of Kate McKinnon’s characters from the beginning of the season. In my book, any sketch that mentions a monkey with a tray of opium is a winner. You can watch it here.

Wells For Boys: I think it’s particularly appropriate that this ran right after the “Paley Center” sketch. It also has to do with gender roles in society, although this one is focused on children. "Wells For Boys" is a surprisingly sad, but funny, commercial parody.

Shawn Mendes Performance #2- “Treat You Better”: I enjoyed the background music.

The Nativity: I love the look of pure venom in Emma’s eyes throughout the sketch. Interestingly enough, this also explored gender roles but in a different setting. It was pretty interesting, especially with the little details to flesh out the universe. You can watch it here.

Closing Thoughts: As always, Emma Stone seemed to be having a great time, delightfully throwing herself into every sketch. She has a great sense of comedic timing, and I’m always a fan of seeing her in comedic roles.

While not the funniest episode in the season, I would give it a high C. I enjoyed the more introspective quality. A good deal of the episode focused on feminism and gender equality. From the deliberate piece on sexism in film to the more subtle “The Well” commercial parody and the nativity sketch, they all had important messages for the audience. Even if the show isn’t portraying a caricature of a politician, it can still be political.

Zachary Krishef is an evil genius. Do not question his knowledge of Saturday Night Live trivia or Harry Potter books.

Batman From the Beginning: Detective Comics #28

Welcome back to the series where I attempt the task I once thought impossible: reading Batman comics from the beginning. This time we are looking at his second appearance in Detective Comics #28.

Sadly we are still saddled with quotation marks and a hyphen “Bat-Man.” He is also still absent any sort of murdered parentage, and is instead doing this because of rich boy ennui. I also spent a good chunk of time laughing about fighting “the evil” (just the one evil, one singular evil, a specifically designated evil) before I pieced together that it was probably being used as a collective noun for evildoers. 

The plot begins with an interesting enough hook. Batman stops a jewel heist (and you know casually murders a thief in the process). He then waits around for the cops to almost catch him so that they would think that he was one of the jewel thieves. Why? Well. That's where things get weird.

Head thief dude in his super suave smoking jacket and monocle is convinced that “Bat-Man” will be too busy to hunt them down, and this was “Bat-Man’s” plan all along somehow? To distract the criminals by pretending to be a criminal so he could sneak up on the criminals? This seems logical. Really. It's not in the least overly convoluted. Also whoever told Bill Finger that nicknames have to go in quotes should be ashamed of themself. Unusual nicknames like “Bat-Man” and “Gloves” almost make sense, but “Ricky?” Ricky is just a normal diminutive. 

Here I need to take a quick break from commenting directly on the plot. So here we have “Bat-Man” wearing a nice pair of long gloves like we are all used to. This to me is the biggest mystery of this comic. This is the only frame where he has any gloves on at all in this comic. Last comic he had short purple gloves. Next couple of comics feature short blue gloves. The more aesthetically pleasing longer gloves don’t come back until issue 31. I flipped ahead to check. Why are they here? Why don’t they stay? I have such questions about this, but they are not answered, so back to the plot.

“Bat-Man” then pulls what will become a signature move, extracting a confession by threatening to drop a crook off something tall. Post confession they end up fighting anyway after what has to be the most unintentionally hilarious panel of the comic. All it needs is a "SPROING!" sound effect to match the spring-loaded jump. Also, how did Frenchy escape the quote-pox? I refuse to believe that Frenchy is the head crook’s given name, and yet his nickname is excluded from such fates as "Ricky?" Still “Bat-Man” emerges victorious and calls the cops in to bring the criminals to justice.

The comic ends with “Bat-Man” leaving Commissioner Gordon a note where he signs his name with a drawing of a bat. That is commitment to the character right there. Batman doesn’t write his name. Batman just draws a bat. Maybe this is some sort of subconscious effort to avoid “Bat-Man” because deep down he knows it looks preposterous.

I have to admit while the coloring looks a bit better this time out, but I’m still kinda turned off by the art. The posing is often clunky and the anatomy is questionable. On top of that, this time around the characterization is kinda dull. Frenchy is a stock character with no noticeable motivation for his crimes, and Batman isn’t given much to talk about other than explaining his detective-ing, so outside of one rather charming grin we are left with the awkward posing to convey any sort of emotional content. This simply isn’t the best showing for Batman. Hopefully Detective Comics #29 will have more to offer.

Miz Opifex is a union electrician by day and a champion of feminine geekery by night. She lives in the American Rust Belt with her cat and a staggering amount of books, movies, and albums on vinyl.

Critical Hits & Misses #83

• Over at the Washington Post, Shamira Ibrahim discusses how today's feminism doesn't reflect the experiences of her black immigrant mother. (Ivonne)


• Speaking of feminism, Felicity Jones talks about equal pay, the f-word (no, not the 4-letter one), and Rogue One. She's a feminist and proud of it. And that makes us happy. (Critical Writ Staff)


• Are you a fan of Funko? Well apparently enough people are, that there are going to be animated shorts featuring the huge-headed collectibles! Check out the trailer for a new short featuring Funko Spidey and Funko Tony Stark, taking on Funko Loki. 

For today's musical hit, we have Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello's "Bad Things" (Ivonne)

Today's critical rolls: 1. Are you a proud feminist? Why or why not? What does feminism mean to you? Yeah, we're getting pretty deep here on a Friday!

— Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: don't be a douchecanoe.

Jughead #11 Review: Sabrina Is The Superhero We Need

Looking at the cover, is that a Yu-Gi-Oh! reference? I’m pretty sure that it is, but I’ve only seen parodies of it. I’ll have to ask my sister later. In any case, I definitely approve. It has a really neat style, almost like Jughead and Sabrina are about to duel against some burger-despising fiend. “You don’t like burgers? Feel the fury of our coupons!”

Right off the bat, the final story in the trilogy hooked me. Reggie acts like a creep when he meets Sabrina, because of course he does, he’s Reggie, and Sabrina’s fantasies are drawn in the style of Fred Hembeck and the classic Archie comics.

No, sadly, our current real-world political climate is the darkest timeline, but I can see why you're upset. Also, I love the goofy look on Reggie's face. Even Sabrinat thinks he's dumb and she barely knows him.

Sabrina’s magical accident from the last issue turns out to have caused a donkey-headed horse demon to appear, so she has to cast a spell to make Jughead and Reggie see it as something boring. Why? Well, if mortals find out that magic exists, she’ll go to ‘magic jail.’ It could be worse, because the Afterlife With Archie version had her mouth physically removed and, long story short, she’s in magic teen juvie and married to Cthulhu. To avoid the consequences, this version of Sabrina makes them see the beast as Mr. Weatherbee.

I think that part of the spell also had a calming effect on Reggie. I don't see him as being polite to authority figures, unless he's trying to take credit for something or weaseling out of a punishment.

After the creature is defeated, the rest of the issue is devoted to a glimpse of Sabrina’s rather lackluster personal life and a resolution to her argument with Jughead. I’m very happy that Ryan North handled the misunderstanding between Jughead and Sabrina carefully, as well as the issues that Sabrina is facing. Apart from having to handle balancing magic and reality, Sabrina also has to deal with a new wrinkle that many teens can relate to.

In fact, Ryan’s interpretation of the character is especially awesome. After reading the final part in this arc, I would have to say that Sabrina is the closest thing to a superhero in the current “New Riverdale” lineup. (Salem is her sidekick.)

I hope that the ‘Sabrina’ arc leads to a spinoff, preferably helmed by Ryan North and Derek Charm. It’s that good. Apart from being a generally entertaining character and universe to play around it, it’s also just nice to have a bit of magic in the world. Some of my favorite stories revolve around modern-day characters having to deal with the supernatural and paranormal, either as guides or as hunters. With the right plot, it could turn out to be a fun hybrid of Seanan McGuire’s Incryptid book series and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Send nice messages to the Archie social media feeds, as well as Ryan and Derek. You never know, it might happen.

Jughead #11 is written by Ryan North and drawn by Derek Charm. You can find it at your local comic book shop.

Zachary Krishef is an evil genius. Do not question his knowledge of Saturday Night Live trivia or Harry Potter books.

The Invasion Ends! - Legends of Tomorrow S02E07

Sadly, Legends of Tomorrow marks the end of #DCWeek, and the end of a fun Berlantiverse crossover. I'll be honest, this story really should have gone over the course of at least four episodes, if not a full 8 (or two weeks' worth of episodes). For all that it was a simple "bad aliens show up to kill everyone" story, this episode in particular drove home just how rushed the entire thing was.

With that said, let's talk about Legends and how it ended the Invasion storyline.

(spoilers beyond the fold)

Once again, the strongest part of this episode were the tiny bits of dialogue here and there between characters of all the shows interacting with characters they don't normally get to deal with on a daily basis. As with The Flash's Invasion episode, these were the moments that truly made this crossover work.

So anyway, we learned in last night's Arrow that the aliens have a weapon they are getting ready to deploy.

But who cares, because the CW and the Berlantiverse are freaking trolling us with this, right???

You better not be playing with our hearts, Berlanti. 

Okay, to be clear, the obvious Hall of Justice/STAR Labs appeared in The Flash's Invasion episode two days ago, but the end of the crossover seemed like a better time to freak out about it. My fondest wish is to see a live action Justice League (that isn't that grimdark mess of a Snyderverse, anyway), and I hope this wasn't just a troll.

Also, I'd like to know why the hell STAR Labs even has a building like this. Like for what purpose???

Anyway, our time traveling heroes come up with a plan that involves interrogating an alien to find out what their beef is with the Earth, so Nate, Rory and Amaya take the Waverider back to the 1950s to the original Dominator attack on Redmond, OR. Cisco and Felicity tag along and proceed to be the cutest geeks ever because time travel! In the 50s, the Legends tell the inexperienced tech nerds to stay behind (much to their disappointment), and Nate inexplicably decides to put on the fancy new costume that Ray made for him.

Rory is not impressed.

"Star-spangled idiot" ... I'm not sure how it happened, but Heatwave has become my favorite Legend. 

They do manage to knock out an alien, but then suits with badges show up and arrest all of them. They manage to question the alien before the government goons start torturing the poor thing. Cisco and Felicity have to come to the rescue of their Legendary friends, but the entire team decides they might do some good if they help the alien escape too. Which they do, and they even give the alien the escape pod from last night's Arrow, which was still on the Waverider. Armed with the knowledge that the aliens were first attracted to Earth because of Amaya's metahuman Justice Society team, our heroes head back to the present.

While they were gone, Oliver was being a dick. Or you know, just Oliver.

This is Kara's WTF face. 

 The new President of the US (remember the team let the original president get zapped by the aliens back in The Flash?), has apparently asked to meet with our heroes, but when Kara wants to go, Oliver tells her to stay behind. Because reasons, apparently. Something something I want normal back in my life. Normal? Are you kidding me? You're the freaking Green Arrow. When has your life been normal?

So The Flash, Oliver, Sara, and The Atom go to schmooze with the Pres, and instead suits with badges show up yet again. Honestly this scene is only notable because of the blatant Quicksilvering moment of awesome:

"I saw this in a movie once! Actually, three movies!" -Barry, probably

Turns out that the Dominators formed a peace treaty with Earth to keep their metas under control back in the 50s to prove Earth wasn't a threat, but Barry's Flashpoint shenanigans "broke the peace treaty" and the Dominators are demanding that Earth hand over The Flash or everyone will die.

There's no hesitation, because Barry does have the heart of a true hero, regardless of his mistakes. He is ready to die to save Earth. But his friends wont' let him.

The Justice League be all like: "Nope!"

Meanwhile, a vibing trip between Cisco and Nate reveals that the alien they saved back in 1950s Oregon is at the head of the invasion force, and he knows how dangerous metas beyond just Barry are, because he saw these guys in action. The aliens have no intention of letting Earth survive. Humans are far too dangerous now. So the trip back to the 50s? It actually changed the timeline. 

That moment when you realize you just did the thing that you hated your bro for all this time...

Contrived alien drama notwithstanding, this kind of plot was clearly needed for Cisco to come to the realization just how easy it is for meta humans to screw up with their powers, and that Barry's Flashpoint mistake isn't some anomaly born of asshattery. It was so easy for Cisco and the Legends to screw up time in a completely innocent and seemingly benign act, that Cisco suddenly forgives Barry for the death of his brother. 

Too bad Martin Stein hasn't learned the same lesson. He and Caitlin are back at STAR Labs working on an anti-alien solution, and end up getting the help of his super genius daughter. You know, the one he himself created when he told his younger self to romance Clarissa. Stein keeps his daughter at arm's length, and in a moment that spawned very loud jeering and hissing in my household, he arrogantly tells Caitlin that unlike Barry, he would perfectly repair the timeline and undo the anomaly that is his daughter.

OMG, the stones on these Legends! I mean, Martin Stein has always been an arrogant and selfish ass of a character, who has to keep relearning humility every so often, but geez. And yeah, he learns it yet again, when he finally lets his brilliant daughter into his life, and realizes he can't just erase her (even if he could, which, as Jay Garrick would tell him, is not going to happen). 

Not gonna lie, this is an awesome shot

So, Supergirl, who has inexplicably superfluous in like every episode of this crossover to the point that her presence was almost pointless, finally gets to kick some alien ass. Stein's anti-alien weapon is ready, and Flash and Supergirl have to race across the planet to plant the thingies, while the rest of the heroes keep the aliens busy in a fight. Meanwhile, Cisco and Sara use the Waverider's tractor beam to keep the alien superbomb from dropping and destroying everything, until Firestorm does a thing and destroys the bomb. 

The fight scenes were cool, and it was nice that Supergirl finally got some kind of action. But the real strength of both this episode and The Flash, were all the tiny moments, quick snaps, and quips that passed between the characters at various times. Truly, it was the chemistry between all these actors, and their fun interactions, that made this crossover successful. 

The fun continues right up to the end, with Rory asking Sara if he's right in thinking the new black female president is hot. 

Sara drinks and she knows things.

A second wave of loud jeering was heard from my living room, however, when the President is honoring the heroes for saving the planet, as the Berlantiverse thumbs its nose rather blatantly at Marvel. 

Earth's Mightiest WHO now??? Alert, alert! Shots fired!

That's right, they actually used the term "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" in describing this team. 

Not gonna lie, as a Marvel fangurl, I not only jeered, but I laughed my ass off. Well played, DC. Well played. 

Also of final note: Cisco gives Kara a thing that lets her cross into or call into Earth-1 anytime she wants to. Badass! Musical episode of Supergirl and The Flash, incoming!

Oliver somehow manages to be the most awkward part of this three-way hug...

No foolin', this crossover event was flawed. It wasn't perfect, the story felt super rushed and very simplistic, and Arrow's episode in particular almost didn't feel like it was even a part of it (despite the fact that it was a very wonderful episode of Arrow all on its own). Supergirl was badly under-utilized. The episodes usually sacrifice female characters to useless roles (like Iris West, but that appears to be her meta power anyway) or disappearing them entirely (like Artemis). Had the network spread the crossover over all four shows, or possibly into two weeks, there would have been more breathing room for everyone. 

But as a fan of these shows, as a fan of these characters, and especially as a fan of pretty much all of these actors... it was awesome. I felt good. I laughed, I cried, I shouted at the tv. 

In a word, I was entertained. And ultimately, isn't that what these shows are about? 

All of them can stand to do better, especially for their female characters (looking at you, The Flash!). But then the Berlantiverse goes and does a thing like make a black woman President of the US in Earth-1, and I remember why I'm still into these shows: 

They have heart.

Ivonne Martin is a writer, gamer, and avid consumer of all things geek—and is probably entirely too verbose for her own good.

Critical Hits & Misses #82

• Autostraddle has a handy guide to how to protect yourself and your online info, in the time of Voldemort. (Critical Writ staff)


• Fresh off the success of the fabulous Disney film, Moana, Lin-Manuel Miranda and Dwayne Johnson team up yet again to bring us Millenials: The Musical, and EW has the deets! (Ivonne)

Remember what life was like before the world was plunged headlong into the Darkest Timeline? Tegan and Sara performed acoustically for NPR on the eve of the Trumpocalypse, and the resulting footage is a charming artifact of a more innocent time (Etienne):

1. If you were a wizard in the Harry Potter universe, what would your specialty be? What would you be doing for work?

— Critical Writ has a super-duper strict comment policy that specifies a single rule above all others: don't be a jerkface.

The Invasion Continues - Arrow S05E08

This isn't just a huge crossover event for #DCWeek; this was also the 100th episode of Arrow, so this one was more than a little special.

Right away, let me commend the writers and actors and director. They clearly felt the weight of the importance of this episode, and there was a whole lot of talent on display here. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but an episode chockful of feels wasn't it. 

(spoilers beyond the fold)

So yesterday's The Flash ended with several of our heroes being abducted by the bad-news aliens, the Dominators. I don't know how I missed it, but the people taken were all non meta-humans, as Cisco ends up pointing out in this episode. That sound you're hearing is me rolling my eyes at myself, because I don't normally miss something that big. But yeah, the abductees were Oliver, Sara, John, Thea, and Ray. The aliens didn't want the metas at all.

This episode begins with something we haven't seen in a long, long time:

Hellllllooooo, Queen mansion, we haven't seen you in forever! 

Oliver is clearly living some idyllic life, one where his parents and Laurel are still alive. But within minutes of seeing Laurel with a giant rock on her finger, it becomes obvious something is not right. Oliver has a flash, like he's remembering something from another life. 

Still, how fabulous to see Laurel again. You never should have killed her off, Arrow. The episode just started and I am already hurting. 

Back in the Darkest Timeline our heroes actually inhabit, Felicity and Cisco arrive at the Arrowcave and let Team Arrow (minus Artemis, who for some freaking reason isn't in this episode at all) know that Oliver has been abducted. Cisco asks for something of Oliver's that he can vibe to try to find out where the missing team members are, and the minute it becomes obvious that he's a meta, Wild Dog gets a stinkyface. "You're one of them." 

Yeah whatever, dude. 

It's okay though, Cisco and Curtis hit if off immediately, and suddenly what I need in my life that I never knew is a Vibe and Mr. Terrific team-up. Pronto.

Cisco's vibe reveals that the missing team members are in Matrix pods. Cisco also reveals that he brought along a piece of the alien ship that landed in Central City, so Team Techie (Felicity, Curtis, Cisco) get down to the business of trying to hack it. But they end up blowing it up because human tech doesn't play nice with alien tech. They need a thing. Never you mind what the thing is, just know that it is a thing and they need it. This is the most macguffin thing ever in the history of writing, but it was an excuse to track down a freak-of-the-week who has stolen the thing. 

Ragman, Mr. Terrific, and Wild Dog team up with Flash and Supergirl to get go the thing, and Wild Dog is decidedly unimpressed with both Barry and Kara and tells them so to their faces. At least we didn't have to wait long to find out what Rene's problem is: he feels that metas attract bad metas, and that aliens attract bad aliens, so the world would be better off without any and all of them. The Dog then proceeds to get his butt kicked by a cyborg lady, and Barry and Kara have to save him, after which Rene has a sudden about-face in his opinion of them. 

Meh. I honestly could have done without this whole worthless side-plot. The only cute part of it all was Ragman and Terrific gushing over how awesome Barry and Kara are. But Supergirl's role in this episode of the Invasion seemed particularly superfluous. 

And where in Hades was Artemis???

Okay but are you ready for some feels?

I was not prepared for how I would feel at the sight of Oliver's parents, especially Moira. Not gonna lie, I suddenly realized with this episode just how much this show has been missing Moira (and specifically, actress Susanna Thompson) and her incredible warmth and depth. Moira Queen was not the most admirable of characters in the first two seasons of the show, to be sure. She did some pretty crappy stuff. But I never got the sense that she was evil, and her being such a flawed mother and wife and human being and yet ultimately striving to be better, was great story-telling. 

I think this episode made me mourn her more than her actual death scene did. And did Stephen Amell and Susanna Thompson always have that level of chemistry, or has Stephen matured enough in this role, I guess? Either way, they were fabulous together. 

Anyway, Oliver's fantasy life is pretty rad: it is the eve of his wedding to Laurel, Robert and Moira Queen are there, Sara arrives to be her sister's bridesmaid, and all is awesome! 

Except Oliver keeps having these crazy flashes of another life. And despite supposedly never getting on the Queen's Gambit, and thus never learning to fight in Lian Yu, he has some pretty crazy superhero reflexes and instincts. During one scene where he and Robert Queen are in a dark alley that was wayyyy too obviously reminiscent of a certain Batman origin story, Oliver faces down a thug with a gun. But ultimately it's the Hood, a dude with a bow, who shows up to save the Queens. But that only seems to exacerbate Oliver's weird flashes, so he ends up following his instincts and arrives at the Arrowcave, only to find that a tragic John Diggle is the Hood. 

Sara and John seem to also be having weird flashes, but it's hard to tell how much, because the episode is fully filmed from Oliver's perspective. Ultimately, though, Sara and John both realize Oliver is right, and that this place is fake. Ray is almost nonexistent in this shared fantasy world, but he is there, kinda. And he also accepts that this isn't right. 

Thea is apparently aware of the wrongness, but she doesn't care, because she has her family back. When Oliver and Sara try to convince her that they need to all find a way out, Thea resists. And in a scene that again taps into some crazy feels, Stephen Amell and Willa Holland really amp it up to the max. Oliver doesn't want Thea to suffer, so he accepts that she wants to stay behind in this fantasy world, and his goodbye scene made me genuinely teary-eyed. 

There's a fight scene because we need some action now, and the Matrix is fighting back against these guys getting out, so it sends in Damien Darhk (who Sara fights), Deathstroke (who Oliver fights), and some random thugs who keep John and Ray busy. Oh, and Malcolm Merlyn as the Dark Archer is there too, and Thea ends up deciding that she doesn't want to lose the only real family she has left (Oliver), so she shows up to fight the Dark Archer. 

What I liked about the fantasy world overall was that the alien device picked out things and people from all of their memories, so there are a bunch of Arrow easter eggs all over the place, and I'm pretty sure I didn't capture them all. 

Still, we cannot leave this fantasy world without a final gutpunch, because the writers want you to cry. Joke's on them, though, because I'm not crying ur crying!

The Matrix (this is not actually the name of the alien device, by the way, it's just my name for it) sends Laurel to make a final plea for Oliver to stay.

By this point in the episode I cannot handle all the feels anymore. 

I don't care how badly it screws things up, Barry Allen, you need to go back in time and save Laurel Lance. Killing off Black Canary was the single dumbest thing this show has ever done, and this episode, and these moments with Laurel, made me realize how badly this show needs her. Please, I am begging you, Comic Book Gods, wave your magic wand and bring her back for good. There simply cannot exist a Green Arrow narrative without his Black Canary. It is wrong. It feels wrong. 

Uggh, okay. So our heroes exit the alien mind probe thingie, and come to realize they are actually in an alien spaceship. In space. They manage to steal an escape pod, but they can't fly it. 

But wait! Remember that thing that Team Arrow needed? Well said thing helped them get coordinates for our heroes, and just when all seems lost, the Waverider, piloted by Nate and Gideon, show up to save the day! 

Sidenote: this seemed like a huge missed opportunity to have Supergirl fly into space and kick alien ass. I mean kicking alien ass is why they brought her to Earth-1, no? She has done incredibly little alien asskicking. Just sayin'

Anyway, turns out that while Oliver and Co. (no not the Disney movie, which yes, Cisco totally referenced!) were dreaming of better times, the aliens were probing their minds for something. And that something leads to the ominous end of this episode:

Probing their minds helped wrap up some kind of weapon the Dominators are now ready to deploy. Things are looking pretty grim.

We'll have to wait and see how Legends of Tomorrow wraps up this storyline! 

Ivonne Martin is a writer, gamer, and avid consumer of all things geek—and is probably entirely too verbose for her own good.

SNL Scraps: Emma Stone Deals With A Broken Elevator

I think this is the start of a serialized drama based on the goings-on at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Is the elevator haunted by the specter of David S. Pumpkins? Will Emma ever be able to make it to the correct studio? Who is the mysterious person operating the elevator? Find out on SNL After Dark, premiering this fall.

In any case, they've released a mini-sketch as a teaser for this week's episode, presumably with more short promos to follow. Emma Stone has proven herself as an excellent host in the past, so I'm excited to see what'll happen this week. You never know, maybe there'll be another Spider-Man sketch!

Zachary Krishef is an evil genius. Do not question his knowledge of Saturday Night Live trivia or Harry Potter books.